Woah! Long time no see. Sorry for not posting but I was taken by the government!
Just kidding. But the government did take down all of the VPN’s which means until literally about an hour ago there was no access to the outside world! At all. So what I miss? Got some catching up to do.
Anyway what have you guys missed here.. Well there’s over 2000 dead now. So that happened. But this morning one of the Starbucks opened back up so I treated myself to a macha green tea and chocolate muffin.
If I’m honest this blog has been giving me the motivation to do things in the day so I have something to write about. Without it I was pretty much stuck in bed and eating cookies all the time! Emily has been making chocolate cookies and shortbread. Oh my god they are amazing. And I may or may not have almost given myself diabetes from having too many.. Oops. But all jokes aside it has been pretty rough. I haven’t felt like myself. I let myself go and I’m torn between its ok to be struggling now and I’ve let myself down.
I’ve always prided myself on being tough through everything. And it’s too much to go into detail in one blog what I’ve been through but, my personal mental health has been a real battle. From not attending school through most of year 11, 12 and 13. Self-harming and my mum finding out and picking me up numerous times from school. Taking overdoses. Having severe panic attacks. Being paralysed and going crazy about being trapped in a useless body. It seems trivial that I’m struggling so much after conquering so much. I barely drank any water for days. Getting headaches. Feeling crap. Hearing the schools could be shut til May was a real hard one to take. It’s been awful. And I hate putting all this on Em. It’s a lot to handle. I’ve been cut off from friends I’d usually message. And even then it kind of seems trivial that so much pain is coming from being trapped in isolation. I struggle getting up before 1 or 2 o clock. And even then find myself back in bed throughout the day. Every little thing gets on my nerves, clanging on plates to chewing or hearing the neighbours talking. I’m not exaggerating, I wish I were, it really is this hard.
But the VPN is (hopefully) back up for a while. And honestly it just proves how much we rely on technology. Staying in touch with family and friends in this situation really does stop me from going insane. Not just that but also being able to put my thoughts down on here. Really is cathartic.
Anyway. What have you guys missed? Well I’m cracking on with online lessons. Although out of about roughly 100 students about 4 have done the work. None of them want to go near it. I don’t blame them I’m going mad, although it’s a damn site harder not being able to speak Chinese.
Emily’s birthday is roughly two weeks ago and I was hoping to go to some shops to get presents but they still aren’t open. And still no gym!
However the delivery service seems to be up and running again which is a plus sign!
During this rough period I also shaved off my hair! Mainly because I needed a haircut and all the hairdressers were (and still are shut) but it was pretty much the only the I could control. So yeah that’s gone. And yes before you say it I’ve already had, he looks like an egg. Potato head. And baldy. Yes I’ve had them all.
The dogs are blissfully unaware. They are just loving having us around 24/7. They get extra attention! The cat hasn’t really noticed any change to be honest. He’s still a dick. But the moments of affection he does wish to share are appreciated.
Cooking wise I made probably the best stew of my life yesterday. Cooking & the animals have honestly kept me sane (aside from Emily but we have both admitted spending this much time together when not on a holiday is a struggle going from Thailand to this). The stew was a beef, carrot, mushroom, potato, leek and onion stew. It was delicious. I used a home made beef stock and half a bottle of red. And seasoned with some herbs during the long cook! Really warms your heart during these long winters. I feel like I’m in the winter of game of thrones over here!
I don’t want it to come across like its all doom and gloom. Although I ambpretty sure I have an ulcer in my stomach (thanks crohns) with pain and super bad acid reflux currently. But hey I have my hair.. Oh wait. Well at least I can gym.. Oh wait. I’m seriously lucky I have the animals and Em. They truly give me something to strive for.
So much has happened I’m currently scanning my head for information. I’m not looking forward to going back to work it’s going to be a heck of a change in mindset.
The death rate here is currently 12 percent. 52 ish thousand currently have the virus without an outcome (either death or cured) so going off that we may see another 6000 dead but we’ll see I guess.
On the plus side I think I have found a real love for cooking. It honestly calms me for the small portions of the day I’m cooking. I’ve been watching a lot of Gordon Ramsey and also a lot of performance based chefs for rugby clubs. I’ve also noticed Max Lahiff of the Bristol Bears has some awesome recipes! And I’ve tried replicating a fair few of his and jotted down a lot of tips of his. Makes me realise how much I miss rugby. Being paralysed once is definitely enough though. If he somehow miraculously reads this thanks for the recipes and keeping me from going completely off the scale with my mental health.
Umm so what else. I bought a new knife.. And almost cut my thumb off trimming fat off a lump of beef. As you can tell still a rookie to this cooking stuff.
Sorry if this all seems doom and gloom. Hopefully now I can focus a bit more and get back on the positivity train.
Thank you to everyone who has messaged asking if I’m okay. They’ve all just come through and I’ll be sure to reply to all of them.
P.s here’s a photo of what I look like now.